I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
