You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize