i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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