Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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