Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
