I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
