Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
