The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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