I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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