i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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