I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
