Pappa wants mamma naked
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
