We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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