I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
