she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
