A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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