So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
