I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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