if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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