i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
