How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
