im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
