Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
