I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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