final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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