He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
