people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this hospital has no fireball
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
