I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize