why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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