WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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