your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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