I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
