Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
