Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
