So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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