Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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