my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
