whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
