I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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