omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
