Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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