I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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