That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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