is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
