Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
