So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
