Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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