OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
