Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
