saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
