After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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