Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
