I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
