remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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