my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
