even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
false alarm. still invincible.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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