Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
