In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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