Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
