remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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