His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
