Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
