I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize