While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
