Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
