Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
