my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
