you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I love you. Go after that dick
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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