In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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