So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
