im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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