we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
